A proposal to end “adult b’nai mitzvah” as we know them and create anew!

It seems that I am destined to continually revisit the role that bar and bat mitzvah ceremonies play in the life cycle of Jews.  Many blogs have already been written by me about how we should re-think the “adultness” of 12/13 year olds and instead amp up a lifecycle ceremony for our emerging adults as they graduate high school and head off to the world on their own for the first time as an actual adult (gap years, military, college, trade schools, work force, etc).  I still strongly believe in this concept. [I also want to acknowledge that I have yet to come across a congregation that is willing to fully embrace this concept.]

I also may have mentioned in passing how troubling it is to me that we perpetuate the idea that this ceremony is what MAKES someone a bar or bat mitzvah.  When this is 100% false.  In our current rabbinic understanding of the age of majority, a child BECOMES bar/bat mitzvah when s/he wakes up on his/her 12th/13th Hebrew birthday.  No ceremony needed.  And it happens immediately at the mikvah/beit din when someone older than that converts to Judaism.   No additional ceremony needed.    [And worse yet, it is based on a ceremony that itself has evolved and made up through the years (mostly what we experience now has only existed since the 17th & 18th centuries).]

So why did we create this concept of “Adult B’nai Mitzvah?”  What message does this actually send to people?  That somehow they aren’t whole adult Jews because they didn’t have a specific ceremony as a teen?  That until this point they have not functioned as an adult in the Jewish community? Of course not, so why do we perpetuate it with the language we use around it?

If we threw out everything we have been doing and released ourselves to be completely open, what ceremony would we create for adults who wish to stand before their community and make a declaration of Jewish commitment?  (Because at it’s heart, isn’t that what it is?) And what would we call this ceremony?  [Certainly not something with the word “child” in it, right?]

This is an invitation to be completely creative, to dream, to make meaning, to explore with me – and perhaps to influence the future of Jewish lifecycle events. 

 

 

 

 

 

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